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Wednesday, September 22, 2010


     I drive women crazy! Well, I drive one particular woman crazy! Last night I was sitting on the couch watching TV minding my own business. SWMBO walks up to me, looks out the picture window and tells me " You need to close the curtains. " Then assuming that she had achieved communication, that is, that I comprehended that she wanted me to close the curtains, she turned, walked down the hallway and went to bed.

      Of course I did understand. You don't live with a person, even if she is female, for 38 years and not pick up a few tidbits about how they express themselves. 

     However, for some strange reason I fixated on the word " need. " I began to think, focusing on the word "need." I began to make a list of some of the things that I need. Interestingly enough closing the curtains never made the list. I need water to drink. I need food to eat. I need air to breathe. I need shelter to protect me from the elements. I need clothes to keep me warm. I don't need to close the curtains.

     As I continued my ruminating it occurred to me that I could live a complete, happy, fulfilled life without closing the curtains. I really do not need to close the curtains but it also occurred to me that it might be in my enlightened self interest to close the curtains. I foolishly dismissed this concept out of hand.

    So I went into the lion's den, AKA the bedroom, and confronted the lioness, AKA SWMBO. I presented my thesis on the things that I need and that closing the curtains was not one of them.  I presented a well reasoned, cogent thesis and made my point with great panache. 

     SWMBO was not overly impressed or persuaded with my rhetorical skills. She also had a well reasoned, cogent argument to make. She told me that I was dangerously close to becoming the first man in history to have listed as a cause of death on a Death Certificate, "Open Curtains." She suggested that perhaps I should spend some time thinking about her thesis.

     As I closed the curtains, I saw her point! I realized that she really does have excellent and persuasive rhetorical skills! Who Knew!

1 comment:

  1. This is my life every day! You just make me laugh all the time and I still think you should have been a Lawyer!